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what you did is not who you are - Totally Enough

what you did is not who you are

What you did is not who you are.
<Read that again>
What you did is not who you are.

I had a conversation with a friend recently about some things I did in my 20’s. Choices I made. Relationships I destroyed. Lies I told. It felt gross to say those things out loud because they are the actions of someone I don’t even know anymore. When asked if I realized how little value I had assigned myself, the answer was not surprisingly ‘no’.


I didn’t know back then how precious I was nor did I truly understand my inherent worth. I had no idea the influence I possessed or the impact I was placed here to make. I was fitting in, not leading. I was scavenging love like a bottom feeder, waiting for scraps instead of taking my seat at the table.



If I knew then what I know now… wow! The choices would have been different, for sure!

Yet here is the rub: I wouldn’t know what I know now had I not made the choices I made back then.

<yep… #ReadThatAgain>

I wouldn’t have the same empathy for women. I wouldn’t have the same understanding of men. I wouldn’t intimately know the pain of climbing out of a well of toxicity, with bloodied fingertips and raw terror and sheer determination.

I thank the girl who did ‘those things’ for learning the hard lessons. I learned a whole helluva alot from that girl’s journey.

What she did is not who I am, but because of what she did, what she chose, how she learned, I became who I am.



You are Enough. Totally enough


Through her vulnerability and a generous dose of honesty and humor, Holly Chamberlain encourages and empowers others to find joy in every moment… even the impossible ones.

Holly is Regional Sales Director for a global pharmaceutical company and Founder of The aMasongrace Project, a suicide prevention organization. She is an advocate, speaker, and blogger. Her widely-read blog, “It’s Just Me” chronicled her journey of surviving suicide loss. Her latest endeavor, “Totally Enough,” is focused on empowering women of all ages to recognize their unique value, to walk in abundance, and to rest in the knowledge that they are already enough. As is.

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17 Responses

  1. You always know what to say, when I need it most. Your words resonate my feelings. Love you beautiful!

  2. I love this for so many reasons… It’s interesting how my family still views me as the bad girl adolescent I was… Smoked a like weed, drank too many wine coolers, broke a few laws… All before I was 18, mind you. 😂 It’s as though they can’t can bear the thought that I grew up, had a child as a single mother, raised a very successful young man, had a very successful life myself, and I’m supremely happy now. They all still look at me as the bad decisions I made so many years ago. I’m grateful for those decisions! I’m grateful for those mistakes. I have a lot of color in my life, and I am a spicy, active woman. Had I not endured hardship, and many difficult times as a young woman, I wouldn’t have the strength, grit, and charisma I have today. I don’t say this to sound as though I am full of myself, it’s just some thing I know to be true.☺️

    1. I love your comment! Thank you for sharing this! I can imagine how hard that might be… never outliving your past. Having people see you as that person not as you are now. Huge huge! You are living an awesome life, mama!

  3. Really crazy thinking back on my poor decisions and wondering why I thought they were ok. All I can do is try to teach my daughter from them. And yes, I Am where I am because of them. So there’s that.

  4. I relate to this so much! Beautifully written and a really nice reminder that we are not defined by poor decisions that may have been made but by what we bring out of them.

  5. We all have different things in our past that make us who we are. I ❤️❤️❤️ that you not only recognize this, but remind us to find the good.
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts and helping us help ourselves to be the best we can be.

  6. Love this post. Inspiring. Getting to where I am has felt like the biggest marathon. (I hate exercise lol ) thank you for being you!

  7. Holly-this hit all the feels….knowing that “we are enough”…that all our experiences are intended to help shape us into the person we are supposed to be! Your authentic, ruthless truths touch me to the core. Hugs ❤️

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